why didn't you poke me back
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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