the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
