I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
