I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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