Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
look no pants
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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