i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize