He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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