I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tequila makes me forget i have legs
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
