Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
