i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
