i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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