good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize