I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
