Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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