Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
