Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
