The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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