Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
