In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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