Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
