it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
