I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
