Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We need to get me chipped asap
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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