I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
