I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
