My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
