I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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