I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
