We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
