And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize