I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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