If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
