i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize