I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
