you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
