If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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