i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize