At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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