we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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