About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
