At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize