If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize