u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I forget how to act sober
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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