I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
zippers are such a cool invention
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
