i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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