Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
there is puke in my bra ... again
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
