So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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