the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
