i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
