I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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