Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
