She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
