If i come over, it means nothing
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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