HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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