and you said cock pushups were impossible
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
