I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
