I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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