Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
