remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize