opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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