Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
