adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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