he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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