dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
