But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
