Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
