Will you blow on my dice?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
