So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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