I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
