Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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