i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
