I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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