She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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