I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
