You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
