he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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