I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
