My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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