My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
false alarm. still invincible.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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