I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
