so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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